how do i say “i miss you” in a way that will make your heart ache as much as mine does
i think i fell in love with you long before i realized
but come to think of it
how could i not?
after all of the late night conversations
and the times you were my shoulder to cry on
after the hugs that felt like home
and all of the times you were my hand to hold
after the “good morning” and “good night” messages
and all of the phone calls you made just to make sure i was okay
after all of the times you made me laugh when it felt like i would never smile again
and all of moments and memories we can never tell a soul
maybe i didn’t even really fall for you
i think i just woke up one day
and i knew
that you were the one who i wanted by my side
through thick and thin
for better or for worse
it’s always been you
and i hope it always will be you
A Letter To The Man I Am Falling In Love With.
To the man who makes me happy,
It hasn’t been long since I have known you or since you confessed your love to me. When I met you, I was at that point in my life where I stopped letting people in, where I found strength and solace in being alone, where I started to keep parts of myself hidden and where I decided to make broken look beautiful.
I remember telling myself back then that I would never let someone close enough to break me again. I told myself that I would never give someone the power to destroy me. I told myself that I would never fall in love again because I know how badly it hurts when the only person you love, stops loving you. I told myself that I would never tell anyone my secrets and that I would never show the hidden parts of myself to anyone. And I made these decisions only because I was afraid. Afraid of falling in love, again. Afraid of emotional attachment. Afraid of believing in lies. Afraid of falling for false promises. Afraid of letting anyone close enough to tear me apart.
Just so you know, there was a time when I was broken. There was a time when I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without falling apart. There was a time when I cried myself to sleep each night, telling myself that I would learn to be strong. And what you saw in me when you fell for me was something that I built amidst broken promises and failed forevers. I built that. Alone.
And even after telling myself all these things, I still let you in. I showed you parts of myself that were meant to be hidden forever. I told you my secrets and I shared every detail of my life with you. I told you terrifying stories about myself. I started to care about you. I started to love you. And I fell for you.
What I have with you means more to me than everything that I have ever been afraid of. You make me happy, and this terrifies me, because once you’re happy, it can be taken away from you. I am giving you everything I can, so please give me what I want, because I don’t want this to end.
And lastly, I have never been vocal about my feelings, but here I am, letting you know that I want you. I hate to admit that I am falling for you with every passing minute. I hate to admit that I want you all to myself. And I hate to admit that I am giving you everything that you might need to destroy every part of my being.
So, today, I am asking you for one little thing –
Please don’t break my heart. Please don’t make me regret falling in love with you. Please don’t make me feel unwanted, ever. Please don’t break the promises that you made to me, because now I am afraid of losing you. Please, for the sake of my shattered and exhausted heart, don’t turn out to be like everybody else.
P. S. I want this to last long enough, I love you. You know who you are.
